Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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