Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
