Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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