i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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