I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
