you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
