If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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