These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
