I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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