U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
