never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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