I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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