Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
is wine microwaveable?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
