and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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