So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
