She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
