i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
