there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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