i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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