I think my vagina is haunted
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
