So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
