All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
