My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
