This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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