oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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