Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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