according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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