Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
