you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
