Your mouth is God's brothel.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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