That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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