My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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