I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
