I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
