i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
