It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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