mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Houston, we have a squirter
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
