just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pants are for mortals
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
