So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
