This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
