I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
