God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
