pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
