we're chasing vodka with high fives
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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