So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
