I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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