quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
