im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
