so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
