My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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