If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hippo gnu deer
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
