I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
