We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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