Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
