I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
