So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
