so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there was a trapeze. enough said
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
