i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
