TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
