Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
