thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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