the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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