You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
