All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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