I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
